Topics:

• Tweens Want Structure in Their Lives
• “Do’s” to Help Your Tween in School

Tweens want structure in their lives. To begin building structure, they need love and trust. They need to know that their parents are there to give them needed love and support. Tweens want to be sure that nothing can shake parental commitment to them — not their growing maturity, moods, misbehavior, or anger at something they have done.

Tweens want parents to keep authority while allowing them to make some decisions.

Some ways you can help your tween establish reasonable structure and remain close is by spending time together. Parents often misinterpret their increased interest in friends as a disinterest in the family. Tweens would like to spend more time doing things with their parents. Watching TV does not count as spending time together.

As your tween matures, it is important you and your tween spend time alone together, one-to-one. They need time to talk to you alone without any other family member present.

TWEENS REALLY NEED:

Talk with them about their interests and concerns. Make sure you show genuine interest in what is happening. When talking with your tween give full attention to the talk, respond to statements, and do not interrupt.

One way to help your tween become an adult is to let your tween into your world. Sharing your feelings and concerns with them is important.

You must trust your tweens. Don’t expect the worst, assume the best. Telling them that you don’t like their friends will cause them not to bring their friends home for you to meet. If something should go wrong, believe that your tween had good intentions.

It is very important that you treat your child with respect. They need the same civility that adults daily extend to total strangers.

You need to be supportive. What may be a small problem to you may be very troubling to your tween. They lack the experiences that adults have had so let them know that you understand how much it hurts when something happens that is upsetting or hurtful. As they mature, they can look back at some problems they had and laugh at having been upset by something that now seems trivial.

Don’t let gender alienate you. The tween’s gender should not determine how you relate to them. It is okay for a tween girl to do things with her father and for a tween boy to do something with his mother. It is also okay for the young men to help with the cooking and dishes and the young women to help with the lawn and car care.

The most important things to remember are: talk with your tween, listen to their concerns and offer suggestions when requested. This will give structure to the their life.

“Do's” to Help Your Tween in School