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Role Model Tips
Talk with Your Kids
The NetSmartz Workshop
Grow Together with Your Tween

As tweens grow up they don’t have a lot of prior knowledge when it comes to lots of situations, and so they look for someone to imitate.

A role model is someone that others admire or try to emulate. For tweens this often means the person is someone they want to be like. Role models come in all shapes and sizes; they do all kinds of jobs; they come from any county or city. Some tweens look up to athletes while others see authors or scientists as their role models. And, believe it or not, many tweens see their parents as role models.

Usually tweens are more affected by what their parents do than by what they say. They learn how to behave by seeing how their parents behave and follow their example. For this reason, you need to be aware of the “lessons” you may unintentionally be teaching your tween.

Many times your parenting behavior is guided by how you were raised. Many parents think: I don’t ever want to be like my parents; or, it was good enough for me, so it’s good enough for my kids. Remember that reacting instead of responding prevents you from making decisions that can change the outcome of a situation. To be a more effective, consistent, active, and attentive parent, it’s best to focus on your tween and their lives.

TWEENS REALLY NEED:

Does this mean that you have to be perfect so your tween will grow up to be perfect, too? Not at all. But, you do need to figure out what kind of example you are setting for your tween.

You may want to be the kind of role model who does this:

	Do as you say and as you do. Tweens want to act like their role models, not just talk like them. They learn just as much from your actions as they do from your words. Don’t just tell your tween to call home if they are going to be late; make sure you call when you know you will be late, too.
	Show respect for others, including your tween. To help your tween learn about respect, you may want to point out when you are being respectful. When you are clothes shopping and your tween picks out a shirt you don’t particularly care for tell them “That wouldn’t have been my choice, but I respect your decision.”
	Be honest with your tween about how you are feeling. Adults get confused about emotions all the time, so it’s no surprise that tweens get confused, too. For instance, you might have a short temper after a really stressful day at work, but your tween might think you are mad at them. You can prevent a lot of hurt feelings and confusion by being honest with them about your own emotions. They just might help you by lightening your mood.
	Pinpoint things you wouldn’t want your tweens role model to do, and make sure you aren’t doing them. For instance, suppose you found out your tween's sports role model used illegal drugs or was verbally abusive to others, would you want your tween to look up to this person? Probably not. Now apply this to yourself. If you don’t want your tween to smoke, then you should not smoke. If you want your tween to be on time for school, then you should make sure you are on time to work or other meetings.

Reviewing your own conduct means being honest with yourself, about yourself. You may need to make some changes in how you act so that both you and your tween will benefit in the end.

(Adapted from National Institute of Child Health & Human Development (2003). Modeling your own behavior to provide a consistent, positive example for your child. Washington, DC: National Institutes of Health. Retrieved from http://www.nichd.nih.gov/publications/pubs/parenting/modeling.cfm)

Talk with Your Kids

http://www.talkingwithkids.org/index.html

Talking with Kids about tough issues is a national initiative by Children Now and the Kaiser Family Foundation to encourage parents to talk with their children earlier and more often about tough issues like sex, HIV/AIDS, violence, alcohol, and drug abuse.

The NetSmartz Workshop

http://www.netsmartz.org/

The NetSmartz Workshop is an educational resource on Internet safety for parents, teachers, and children of all ages. The NetSmartz Workshop features age-appropriate, interactive games and activities that utilize the latest web technologies to entertain and educate.

Grow Together with Your Tween

According to research, tweens say that the beliefs, values and actions of their parents or close adults sink in. These are the values tweens come back to as they grow and develop.
As you and your teen grow together, here are some values you can demonstrate to them:

Love them no matter what and let them know it.
When they mess up, teach them how to do better next time.
Tell your kids what’s good about them and tell them often.
Give teens opportunities to earn your trust and build trust with them.
Show them you respect them and that you respect yourself.
Help tweens belong by becoming involved in your community.
You don’t have to raise tweens by yourself. Ask for help if you need it!
Don’t give up. It takes time to build solid relationships.
Keep your sense of humor. Being able to laugh together and at your mistakes really builds a family.

Every tween deserves to experience unconditional love. Enjoy your tween and remember what is important in their life and in your own.

(Source: Karin Ihnen U of MN Extension)

Return to the Table of Contents or continue to the Introduction, Consistent Discipline, Structure, Values, Good Nutrition, Survival Skills, Money Skills, or Resistance Skills.

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This page last updated Tuesday, November 18, 2003

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