Pike County Cooperative Extension

Topics:

Celebrating with Blended Families
Family and Youth Resiliency Resources
Co-Parenting After Divorce
Working Through Co-Parenting Situations

Celebrating with Blended Families

Special celebrations, holidays and family events may be challenging for blended families. By thinking ahead and being creative, your blended family can enjoy pleasant and enriching celebrations.

In blended families, at least one adult has a child or children from a former relationship. These children may live with the couple, visit on a regular basis or visit on special occasions. A blended family can be small, made up of an adult couple and one child or could be made up of children from both adults. If you are one of the growing numbers of blended families, consider these suggestions that help you and your family enjoy the holiday season:

Try to be flexible. A holiday does not always have to be celebrated on its official date or all family members have to be present. For example, in your family you may decide to celebrate Christmas on the night before or the night after December 25th. In the short run, this may reduce the stress of rounding everyone up and by doing this year after year, you may be creating a new family tradition. Creating new ways of celebrating encourages the growth of bonds between the blended families and creates new, pleasant memories. By discussing different options with the family members and planning in advance for any given event can be helpful to have a more successful experience.

In blended families, stepparents, former spouses, grandparents and other adults may compete for the time, favor and attention of children in the family. Try focusing on being the best person you can be. Enjoy yourselves and side step feelings of jealousy and unhealthy competition.

Enjoy your family’s uniqueness. Expect your stepfamily to be very different from your previous family. A blended family is no better or worse, just different. Learn to appreciate the advantages of your family and the strengths each person brings with them.

The idea that perfect families celebrate perfect holidays and gatherings is a myth. All families struggle and we can grow in understanding these difficulties. Remember to keep things fun and allow family members to let the past stay in the past and enjoy the present.

Family and Youth Resiliency Resources

Co-Parenting After Divorce

Divorce changes but does not end a family. Now children are members of two families. Successful shared parenting is related to how well parents communicate and work with each other for the best interest of their children. What works best for one may not work well for others.

Still, research has shown that children tend to adjust to divorce with less difficulty when they are able to maintain the family relationships that were important to them before the divorce and their parents are able to cooperate and be generally supportive of one another.To help your family through the divorce, remember the following:

Focus on your child’s needs to help him or her through the divorce process.
Accept that your former spouse may parent differently from you.
Keep to routines as much as possible so that the child has consistency in his or her life.
Encourage your child to spend as much time as possible with the nonresidential parent.

Help your child to keep in contact with the nonresidential parent through phone calls, letters or e-mails.
Make the transition between homes as smooth as possible.
Let the child know that he or she has two homes.
Avoid putting your child in the middle of disagreements.
Keep from making negative comments about the other parent in the presence of the child.
Communicate directly with your former spouse rather than sending messages through your child.

Be flexible.
Encourage a positive relationship between your child and your former spouse.
Get help for yourself if you are having difficulty coping with the divorce or shared parenting.
Handle child support and other financial issues with the other parent, mediator, or the legal system, not your child.

(Source: University of Montana Cooperative Extension

Working Through Co-Parenting Situations

One method for working through co-parenting situations on a day-to-day basis is to follow the FASTUR method, developed by Dr. Isolina Ricci.

Flexible and fair – Sometimes unexpected situations arise that may require some flexibility in how shared parenting is carried out day-to-day.

Active – Be proactive in solving situations when they arise.

Substitute – Try to find substitutes to solve problems.

Trade – Be willing to trade some responsibilities or time with the other parent if needed.

Understand and be understood – Try to understand the situation from the other parent’s viewpoint.

Respect – Treat your former spouse with respect even if you disagree with him or her.

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