Peer Challenges

Your son joins you at the breakfast table with green hair and pants down to his you-know-where, showing his you-know-what’s. Do you:

A. Reach for your blood pressure medication
B. Sputter a few unprintable words while you are spilling your coffee
C. Begin twitching that nervous twitch the doctor told you would go away
D. All of the above?

If you took your tween shopping for school clothes this year, you might be able to put yourself in this scenario and know how difficult it is to find clothes that satisfy both you and your tween. How do you deal with clothing you find inappropriate but your tween thinks is “cool!”

First, try to find a middle ground. Understand your tweens need to fit in and be accepted by their peers…but try to do it in a way that teaches them a life lesson and fits into your families’ values. Create a budget and once this budget is spent, they won’t be able to buy anything else. From this they will learn to manage money and set priorities.

Secondly, choose your battles. Wearing baggy or weird clothes may be your tween’s way of showing their individuality, but is it really an important issue? It is not hurting anyone, especially since they are in no danger. Let them know your feelings and let it go.

However, if you do feel that their clothing, especially provocative clothing, might be harmful to them then you will need to step in. Most likely, forbidding them from wearing the slinky tank top is just not going to make them stop. A way to handle the situation is to sit with them and try to make them understand why you are concerned and find it inappropriate. It will be hard because they see famous people everyday who look half dressed and get the idea that if they dress this way too they will be successful and liked. Talk to them about not being emotionally ready for the consequences that come with dressing provocatively. Emphasize respect for themselves.

The face of the United States is changing. Our neighborhoods and communities may contain a mix of races, cultures, languages and religious beliefs. At the same time, society is experiencing a widening gap between the rich and the poor. Additionally, the United States population includes more than 43 million people with mental and physical challenges.

It is not surprising to know that young adolescents will face the challenges of interacting and working with people different from them. Accepting and valuing diverse backgrounds can help young people and adults thrive in this ever-changing society.

The Herman Grid is an activity that parents can do with their adolescents. Participants in the activity will discover that first impressions of people are not always true.

Procedure: Look closely at the Herman Grid. Ask your child to share their first impression. Ask if they see gray dots in the white spaces.

Discussion: Are the gray dots really there? This is an example of how we sometimes see things that do not exist. Sometimes this happens when we see people, too. Discuss the following questions:

- Have you ever had a wrong first impression of someone who had a different background or came from a different culture?

- Has someone from a different background or culture ever had the wrong impression of you?

Source – Diversity Activities for Youth and Adults. This publication can be ordered from the Cooperative Extension office in your county if you’d like to continue these types of activities with your tween.