PEER PRESSURE
	Topics: Are We Immune? Peer Pressure and Assertiveness

Do not let your adolescent talk you into something simply because everyone else is doing it. Parents must be immune to that pressure.

Remember, individual adolescents differ in their vulnerability to peer pressure. In general, susceptibility to peer influence climbs during early adolescence, peaks in 8th or 9th grade, and decreases after that. Boys are usually more susceptible to negative peer pressure than girls.

Peer Pressure is the influence other people our own age exert on us. Everyone feels peer pressure and it can be real and intense for young adolescents. Peer pressure occurs because we want to be liked and accepted, or because we do not want to oppose or alienate others. It can also occur because we do not want to hurt others, or we feel obligated to go along. Peer pressure can be a positive experience when its outcome enhances the development of our own best self. Conversely, peer pressure can have a negative influence when it violates our values and best interests because we do things that we really do not want to do.

Young adolescents are particularly sensitive to peer pressure. Parents need to be concerned about the kind of peer pressure their tweens will experience. Young adolescents seek other adolescents who share attitudes, interests, and circumstances that resemble their own. They choose friends who accept and like them and see them in a favorable light. Depending on the group that your tween hangs with, she may feel pressured to be a good student or a slacker, compliant or a rebel, avoid unhealthy risks or experiment.

At this crucial time when adolescents are developing a set of values, attitudes, and standards of their own, it is imperative that parents continue to talk to their tweens about their values and standards. Tweens want and need guidance from their parents on important issues and challenges.

Another effective way of dealing with negative peer pressure that parents can share with their tweens is assertiveness. Parents can encourage and practice assertiveness skills at home with tweens and other siblings. Assertiveness is best taught by starting with issues that are simple and uncontroversial. Assertiveness skills are very helpful in dealing with negative peer pressure after your tween has become wellpracticed in its techniques.

Assertiveness means expressing ourselves in a calm, honest, direct manner and standing up for our own best interests without violating the rights of others. Assertive behavior is never aggressive, violent, or confrontational. We all have certain rights that form the basis of assertive behavior. These rights are:

1. The right to be your best self and promote your best interests.

2. The right to make decisions that you do not have to explain or justify.

3. The right to bear the consequences of our decisions.

4. The right to make requests and refuse requests.

5. The right to be treated fairly and not be intimidated, threatened, or bullied.

6. The right to make a mistake and change your mind.

7. The right to express your opinions.

Other people also have these rights. Assertiveness does not guarantee popularity but it helps your tween develop self-identity and increase her self-esteem.

You can teach and practice assertive behavior with your tween enabling her to be ready for a situation that demands it. Here’s the technique that teaches tweens to stick up for themselves. Role play situations using this method:

Make eye contact and face the other person while maintaining a safe distance between you. Use a firm but calm voice. State your position clearly and simply. If the other person begins or continues arguing, state what is happening and restate your position. Then, end the conversation, look the other person in the eye, pause, and leave.

Behaving assertively also means avoiding tentative uncertain language and avoiding threats and put-downs.

Assertive behavior provides young adolescents with an effective way to behave according to their own standards and to reject negative peer pressure to behave in a self-destructive and unhealthy manner.